JOKES

Three men were at a bar discussing coincidences.

The first man said, "My wife was reading A Tale of Two Cities and she gave birth to twins." 

"That’s funny," the second man remarked, "My wife was reading The Three Musketeers and she gave birth to triplets." 

The third man shouted, "Oh my, I have to rush home!" 

When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, "When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves!"

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A man asks a farmer near a field, "Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train." 

The farmer says, "Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you'll even catch the 4:11 one."

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Two guys are walking through a game park & they come across a lion that has not eaten for days. The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the one guy starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord." He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion. As he comes closer to the lion, he hears it saying a prayer: "Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive."

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Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?" 

Student: "A drinking problem."

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Visa interview at Australian high commission:

Interviewer: Do you have any past criminal conviction?

Applicant: Why, is it still a requirement?

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Teacher: "Which book has helped you the most in your life?" 

Student: "My parent's check books!"

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After 15 years of marriage, a wife asked her husband to describe her. He looked at her slowly and without blinking an eye, said: “ABCDEFGHIJK.”

"What does that mean?" she asked.

"Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Fashionable, Gorgeous and Hot" he replied. 

Smiling, she asked: What about IJK?”

He replied: “I'm Just Kidding!”

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One spelling mistake in hurry can make hell.

Husband wrote a romantic message to his wife on his official trip and missed an "e" in the last word. 

Now he is seeking police protection to enter his own house....

He wrote "Hi darling, I'm experiencing the best time of my life & I wish you were her."